i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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