I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
