Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
