im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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