Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
