There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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