Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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