wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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