I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
