Fuck appropriateness.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
