I only kidnapped one of them. chill
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
