My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
