i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
