I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
