i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You made out with two different species that night
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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