THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
