and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
