so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
