ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
