just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just gift wrapped bread.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
