I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
