So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
