So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
