Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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