I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
