Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
