The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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