I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
