So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
