Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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