Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
