My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
