Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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