Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
