I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
