You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
