Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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