So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
