nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
