So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
