I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm experimenting with sincerity
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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