did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
