He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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