I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
