I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
