Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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