I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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