She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
