dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
