I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
